How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
