But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize