My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
