You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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