Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
