Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
