dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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