my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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