She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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