Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
did i walk over a car last night?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
