I'm going to jail i love you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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