You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Randomize
