It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
