He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
