hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
