We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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