apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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