Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
