That's intense
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
