Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
