It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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