About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
