"it" just moved
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
