Non-Jews are for practice
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
