I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I will pee on everything he values.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize