weddingsv make me drug and hornr
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
