Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
last night I used snow as a chaser
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
