I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Small penises have feelings too.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize