it's not cheating when I paid for it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
