I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
