I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
