Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
