What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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