I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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