Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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