I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
