I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
