just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
