what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
