like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Of course I have a pirate flag
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
