Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think i have two assholes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
