Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
