The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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