I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
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