He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize