You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
