Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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