So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
