dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it glows. i had to have it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
