i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize