I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
well you can't waste a boner
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
