census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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