Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
