He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
