Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
