Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry 974runnerman hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(720): View more from Colorado

You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser

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(903): View more from Texas

We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.

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(319): View more from Iowa

This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...

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(750): View more from

Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."

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(479): View more from Arkansas

He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security

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(913): View more from Kansas

Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.

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(740): View more from Ohio

I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing

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(512): View more from Texas

Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!

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