so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
