I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm both gender and math confused
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
