We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
