I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
