It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
