I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
