I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
