I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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