maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
