So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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