so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
