i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize