My room smells like vodka and shame
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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