I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
