Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
