I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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