Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
