Jerry, you need to find god
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
