come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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