i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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