I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
