Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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