Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
