Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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