So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it's great music for shaving your balls
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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