you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
