May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
