There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
