I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
