rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
