Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
