i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
