I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
