I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
